Doing "The Work": Perception Deception

I love to spend time around people committed to personal growth and health whether it’s spiritual, emotional, mental or physical.  Often times we’ll share resources that can be truly life changing.  Since I found some of these tools and applications life changing I thought that I’d share them with you!

One of the most helpful tools that I learned this past year is an exercise that Byron Katie has developed.  She calls it, “The Work” and essentially, “The Work” is suspending your judgments and perceptions (or misperceptions) about things and asking yourself these four questions.  

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it is true or, better yet, does it matter if it’s true?
3. How do I react?  What happens when I believe this thought?
4. Who would I be without that thought?

So, for example, if I’m having a conversation with someone that I respect and they seem distracted or uninterested (This recently happened to me.) I might think, “This person doesn’t really like me.” or “Someone said something to them that changed their opinion of me.”  This is where the four questions come into play.  After our brief conversation I was feeling a little insecure and I asked myself, “Is it true that Bob doesn’t really like me?”  “Can I know for sure that he doesn’t?”  If I choose to believe this thought it will only make me more insecure and awkward around Bob.  If I choose to believe that Bob had a lot on his mind and it had nothing to do with me then I can be sympathetic with Bob.  

The way that I handled this situation was that I sent “Bob” an email when I got home and let him know that I noticed he seemed very distracted and a little anxious while we were talking.  I wanted to make sure that everything was OK and that I was able to sympathize with all of the pressure that he must experience in his current position at work.  He responded kindly and with great appreciation and It was confirmed for me that our conversation had nothing to do with me.  

I’m amazed at how often we ascribe to the silliest of things to ourselves, but we need to remember that everyone is doing the same thing and a great way to become more emotionally intelligent (and integr8ed) is to ask ourselves these four questions.  

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it is true or, better yet, does it matter if it’s true?
3. How do I react?  What happens when I believe this thought?
4. Who would I be without that thought?

I hope that you find this as helpful as it been to me.  Please let me know what you think.  Post a comment below.